Thursday, December 24, 2009

In Memory of My Coma

Today is December 23rd. Today is my nephews birthday and my comadre Ludim. This is in her memory...

I am sure many of you have received those e-mails that talk about different types of people/friends that come into your life. Some are temporary (the ones that hurt you and you learn some grand lesson) while others are forever. Ludim Seja de Manzano definitely falls into the category of forever being in your mind, heart and soul.

I first met Ludim while I was a student at Santa Monica Community College. A group of students were taken to CSUN to check out the campus. It was nearly the end of our trip when she came to our table to say hello. The first thing that stood out were her beautiful eyes and smile. She welcomed us and answered our questions in regards to the university.

It was this same person that gave me a job on campus in her office. From here, an eternal friendship developed. She always had her door open for anyone to come in whether it was in regards to school or personal. She helped many students get into CSUN.

As a friend I constantly turned to her for advice. She always made you look inside yourself for the answer. Ludim had a way of building our confidence and putting life in the simplest of terms.

On September 11th, yes that September 11th...when most people stayed glued to the television with updates about New York, Ludim was diagnosed with cancer. I remember our first prayer circle in her home. Every friend was there and we put all our positive energy into prayer asking God to heal her. Ludim fought a courageous battle with family, friends and her soulmate Tino by her side.

I won't continue on this in detail because what is really important is how blessed I was to have her in my life. I continue to be blessed by having her family in my life and I am passing these memories of her on to my children. May they be blessed to have a Ludim in their lives when they are older.

I miss you coma. Te quiero mucho.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Caught In The Mom-ent

Child.....Every time I went to the store with my grays (and I am not talking about my clothes) I chanted the same prayer "Please don't let me run into somebody I know, please don't let me run into somebody I know." It had been over 5 months since I died those suckers, it had also been that long since I waxed my eyebrows and upper lip. Now I love me some Frida Kahlo but I wasn't trying to look like her. Why was I torturing myself not to mention my husband like this? (side note: he swears he doesn't care but come on.....) I finally went to see Diane at Fairy Nails who waxed my mustache off and reshaped my brows. FABULOUS and I went to see Craig at Floyds 99 in Mar Vista who kicked my hair into shape with some color and shine. I LOVE HIM. Besides the price being great, Craig is great with conversation and just makes you feel oh so lovely at the end. I walked out of that shop with my shoulders popped back, attitude in my stride with the song "Staying Alive" going through my head. I was back...

With me no longer working for a salary (Don't get it twisted because I still work. I just don't get paid for raising babies) it puts things like pedicures, salon visits, cafe lattes on the bottom of the list. I keep busy with the car pool mom, homework mom, girl scout mom, clean house, make dinner and wash dishes mom not to mention trying to be a wife. This is what I refer to getting caught in the mom-ent. Not moment but mom-ent. As all you mothers out there know, the majority of us put ourselves last. We find ourselves in that mom uniform (jeans, hoodie, sneakers and a ponytail) and forget who we are as women. We don't look for the piece of zen, the calm to your soul, the slow breath of bliss. It's not that we ignore it but we just keep moving and forget, we are caught in the mom-ent. Which leads to resolution number two....

For the new year, I will make time for me, myself and I. I will not go that long again without taking care of myself. I will always use lotion so I don't leave the house all ashy. I will get together with my girlfriends for a meal and or drink because they also are mothers. To take these moments is not being selfish but giving us that moment to breathe so we don't find ourselves crying hysterically in the shower or in the kitchen wondering what is happening to our lives. I plan to continue to blog more frequently, laugh a little bit more, take naps and not feel guilty yet still be a wife to my husband and a mama to my children. I also plan to....(here goes resolution number 3) go the gym and get rid of those "lonjitas" aka love handles. I don't want to be a big, squishy mama (as Maite calls me) anymore. But that story is for another time....

But meanwhile...I once again call out to all mothers, don't forget you are also beautiful women. Call your girlfriends for your own "play date." Go have a meal, go the gym or the movies and have a grown up conversation. Know that your children will be fine those few hours you are gone and your spirit will be renewed. You will find a pep in your step and a smile on your face. Go for it!

Monday, December 21, 2009

Bad nina....

This past weekend it was my God daughter's 15th birthday. Her father threw her a beautiful party where my son danced all night until he passed out (not from alcohol but from exhaustion people, he is only two).
As I rushed to the mall on Saturday because remember, it was the week from hell with Xmas parties, school performances, girl scouts etc... (read previous blog). When I walked in, I stopped dead in my tracks trying to figure out what to get her. I had a moment of awakening. Here she was 15 and when was the last time I talked to her? I didn't know what type of music she listens to, I didn't know what kind of books she likes to read. All I really knew was that she always plays sports and was now 15. She was no longer the little baby I held at the church promising to her parents, people in the church and to God that I would be the best madrina. This is where you see the images of me flogging myself chanting "por mi culpa, por mi culpa."
I called my compadre asking for some help. He wasn't. He said she didn't need anything. Oh sure, let me show up empty handed and then really be the nina from hell. I did find out her favorite shoes are Vans. It is now in my memory bank. What did I give her? Cash. I also found out from her sister that she likes to shop. Heck, who doesn't?

Well, I am making a resolution people. I will get to know my God children better than I do. I have already become facebook friends with my God daughter. I intend to get to know her and visit a lot more often. As for my God son, I will ask him what is better for him, phone, letters, emails, carrier pigeon, whatever it takes. I do love them with all my heart and their parents as well. My comadre once said that people move on after you die and they sometimes forget. Not everyone coma. You are in my thoughts everyday. Your picture is in my kitchen because that is where I spend the most time. I talk to you on a constant basis and though I don't see my compadre and my God daughter as often, they are in my thoughts, prayers and most importantly, my heart. This person doesn't forget.

So I make this plea, this call of awakening to all padrinos and madrinas out there. We all took an oath to protect these children, to help guide them. Bring back the beautiful art of communication and pass on whatever words of wisdom you have. Remember, your word is most powerful. Life is short...make it meaningful.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Last week of school should be slow...what the heck?

So this is the last week of school for my girls before the big break. Why did I believe that it would be a slow week? Whatever happened to mom counting down the days of the holiday performance? I and the Mar Vista 7 (a group of moms that belong to several committees from PTA, to book fairs, garden, classroom volunteering and 5th grade culmination) have a hell of a week upon us and that isn't mentioning the Girl Scout events for this weekend....yikes!

We will be finishing 1st grade costumes, spray painting t-shirts for 5th grade, buying supplies for 5th grade to build ginger bread houses (yup, I am making the icing) which is on the same day as the 1st grade holiday party, selling baked goods and school tshirts at the holiday performance and ending the last day with the 5th grade holiday party. FYI, parties include baking and or cooking, serving at the party and clean up with my twins (Gael & my neice Luna) at my side...
And here you thought that piece of material around my waist was an apron (it's really a cape).

Could it be I thrive on chaos or is it that I lost my damn mind? Will my girls appreciate this when they get older? These are the questions that keep me awake at night...